She Thinks Too Much
by twisted-wisdom
Summary: Takes place after Deathly Hallows. Hermione thinks about her past, her future, her fears, and her feelings for a certain green eyed best friend of hers. Please Read and Review


This is a random one shot that popped into my head. I always wondered what it was that kept Hermione, the smartest witch of her time, from producing a Patronus. It kinda let to this fic. Since in the books you never really get an insight into Hermione's mind, I decided to go ahead and write my own. Enjoy and please read and review. 

It seemed that the entire school was outside enjoying the beautiful day. Why shouldn't they? Voldemort was dead, there was nothing left to fear. There however, was one student that was not outside at all. Instead, 7th year Hermione Granger sat in the Gryffindor common room staring at her transfiguration book. And for the first time in her life, she wasn't reading it. She just sat there and stared, none of the words registering in her head. Not for the first time she was wondering why she even bothered coming back to school to finish her schooling. If the last year that she had didn't give her enough experience in the real world, nothing would.

She sighed and quit trying to read the material. She decided that she would go ahead and try again later when her head is cleared. _But your head is never clear is it Hermione?_ She asked herself. _That's always been your problem, you think way too much._ She rolled her eyes and looked out the window. She saw Ron with a group of girls all goggling him. This really didn't bother her, they talked things over and decided that they weren't the best of couples. They both thought that the only reason that they liked each other is because they needed comfort during the war. None of this bothered her and she was glad of that. She didn't need thoughts about Ron adding onto all of the things that she was already thinking about.

This was her last year in school. In the matter of a few months she would be kicked out into the real world. She knew that she would be able to handle it. After this past year she knew that there was nothing that she couldn't handle. It was the fact that she was afraid to finally be all alone. She would be without Harry and Ron. Now that the two of them didn't need her here to help them with school or to fight Voldemort, she was useless to them. They were going to go off into the world and do great, okay greater things than what they had already done. When they did they were going to leave her behind in the past, and she didn't know if she could live through it when it happens.

All the things that had happened in the past year kept playing over and over again in her mind. From the wedding to the battle. The bad stuff haunted her in her sleep, and well the good, there was really only one good thing that came from it, and honestly, she didn't think about it too much. Voldemort being gone was beyond a good thing, but him being gone means that her way of life had changed drastically. Since the beginning of her life in the wizarding world, she devoted everything that she had into helping Harry, and in turn, devoted everything that she had into defeating Voldemort. Now that he was gone, what was there honestly left for her to do? What purpose did she have. For the first time in her life Hermione Granger didn't have the answer to a question and it bothered her to no end.

One thing in specific that keep replaying itself in her head is the fact that she had trouble producing a patronus. She, Hermione, trouble with a charm? Seemed unreal didn't it? Well it was true. Every time that she went to cast it, she couldn't come up with anything happy thoughts to keep it going. Okay well it wasn't like she couldn't come up with things to think about, that was never a problem with her. It was the fact that when something happy came to mind, there was always something bad attached to it. It was always either something horrible that led to the moment, or something horrible happened after the moment. How could anyone be expected to be able to fight like that?

With a roar of frustration she pushed her book off of the table and put her head in her hands. _Just once, ONCE, I wish that I could go a day without thinking!_ She groaned and stood up. _I might as well go outside with everyone else! Seeing as I'm doing absolutely nothing useful! _She stopped out of the common room leaving her mess behind her on the floor. There was almost no one in the halls, not that Hermione had expected that there be. She couldn't help the images of the debris and blood stains on the floor as she walked throughout the halls. The images became so pronounced that she wanted to curl up into a ball and scream. How could no one else be affected by this? It was maddening!

She was greeted by the sounds of laughter as she walked out of the doors. Almost immediately people rushed up to her and began to ask her questions. It had been like this for all members of the Golden Trio when school began two weeks ago. Hermione held up a hand and they fell silent.

"I really just came out here to take a walk," she said hoping that they would let her be.

There were many disappointed faces when she walked away from the crowd, but no one followed her, and she was thankful for that. She walked through the grounds taking sight in all the things around her. Anything to distract her from her thoughts. She keep walking until her feet began to hurt. Only then did she sit down against the tree by the lake. It was twilight, the end to yet another day. Hermione closed her eyes and laid her head back against the tree.

"I thought that I saw you come down this way," a voice said from beside her. She didn't need to open her eyes to tell her who it was.

"Hello Harry," she said pleasantly. "Sit," she patted the ground next to her.

"I'm not a dog Hermione," he laughed and then did as she said. "So I haven't really seen much of you here lately." There was an edge of sadness to his voice.

She knew that it was wrong to be avoiding Harry, but really she needed to once again, think, before she could talk you him. You see, over the course of the last few years, Harry and Hermione grew closer and closer, and well know, Hermione knew that she had fallen for her best friend.

"Hermione?"

She shook her head. "Sorry Harry. Lost in my own thoughts."

"You seem to do that a lot here lately," he pointed out.

She shrugged. "There's a lot to think about."

She opened her eyes at last to see a quizzical look on his face. "Do you care to tell me what you're always so deep in thought about?"

She shook her head and gave a light smile. "Not really."

He surprised her by standing up and offering her his hand. "Come on, take a walk with me."

She grabbed onto his warm hand and let him pull her up. They walked in silence around the lake. Hermione almost ran into Harry when he stopped abruptly. When she asked what was going on, he merely pointed. She turned to see that the sun was setting. She really had never taken the time to sit and watch the everyday occurrence happen, there was always something else too important that she thought she ought to be doing. It was really something marvelous when you took the time to watch. When they were incased in darkness, they walked silently up to the castle. Harry was beginning to confuse Hermione. He hadn't said a word since he asked her to take a walk. When they entered the common room, Ginny walked over to the pair.

"Hey Hermione, when I came in here I found all your stuff scattered on the floor," Hermione didn't miss the look that Harry gave her, "I picked it all up and put it on your bed for you."

"Thanks Ginny," Hermione said with false gratitude.

Ginny turned her attention to Harry. "So Harry, how have you been?"

Hermione cocked an eyebrow and shifted her gaze between the two of them. "I've doing good Gin. How about you? Neville treating you good?" He teased.

Hermione's draw dropped but this went unnoticed by the other two. "Yeah he is. He's really sweet," she glanced down at her watch. "In fact, I'm supposed to be meeting him in a few minutes."

"Well don't let us hold you up," Harry said. "Get going."

Ginny gave a mock salute, which earned a laugh from Harry, and walked out of the portrait hole. Harry turned back to Hermione who was gaping like a fish.

"Hermione?" He asked, waving a hand in front of her face. "Anyone home?"

"Ok what did I miss there?" She asked pointing to the spot where Ginny was standing. "I thought that you two were all like," she clasped her hands together, "this!"

He rolled his eyes. "If you had been paying attention here these past few months, you would know that we broke up." This statement made Hermione look at the floor. Harry continued on. "Hermione ever since the war has been over you've been acting very strange. What's going on?"

She gave a gallic shrug. "I've been kinds caught up with stuff that's all."

"With what?" Harry asked incrediously. "School only started a couple of weeks ago! And from what I've noticed you haven't really been studying too much."

"You're spying on me?" She asked but she couldn't find any anger to back it up with. The fac that Harry had been watching her, well that didn't bother her in the slightest bit.

It was his turn to shrug. "I was curious."

"Sure whatever you say Harry," she said over her shoulder as she walked towards the sitting area. She picked up the book she left out the night before, plopped down into a chair, and opened it to the page she was on. Harry walked around and kneeled in front of her.

"Are you ever going to talk to me?"

She marked her page and closed the book. "What do you want to talk about Harry?"

"Why have you been acting this way?"

She sighed. "Harry I thought that I had already told you..."

"...a lie. A lie is what you told me Hermione. A bad one at that."

She folded her arms and laid her head back. "I've just been thinking about some different things."

He folded his arms on the chair and laid his head on her thigh. She was very glad that he couldn't hear her heart speed up at this. "What things?" He asked as he nuzzled his cheek on her leg.

That action made her forget everything that was happening. "Er-what?"

He laughed a carefree laugh and turned his emerald eyes up to meet hers. "What have you been thinking about with that head of yours?"

Hermione shook her head and looked away from his eyes. While she was looking into them she seemed unable to form a coherent though. _Hmm, I think I just found a solution to my thinking to much problem. _But of course she couldn't be staring into Harry's eyes all day. She looked around the common room and saw that numerous people were looking at Harry and herself.

"Okay Harry," she said in a low voice so that no one could over hear. "This isn't a conversation that we need to be having with everyone watching us."

Harry had enough tact not to look around the room. "Ok fine. So tonight..."

She smiled. "I'll meet you here when everyone else has gone to bed."

He closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, and sat up. "Can't wait."

Throughout the rest of the night Hermione watched the student's trickle up the stairs one by one. She kept peeking glances at Harry over the top of her book. He was finally, finally, reading Hogwarts a History. He never looked up, well, she never caught Harry looking up form the book. In truth he looked up and stared at her countless times. She peered over top of her book in time to see a fifth year get up from the table and scurry up the stairs. That was the last person, leaving her and Harry alone at last. Just when she was about to revert her eyes back to her book, Harry's eyes darted up and caught hers. A smile appeared on her face before she could stop it. She couldn't see enough of his face to know if he was smiling or not. He closed the book and set it down beside him. There was a smile on his face.

"You know something Hermione," he mused, "that really is an intriguing book. It's a shame I didn't pick it up before." He laughed and Hermione couldn't help but join in.

When the laughter faded he gave her a serious look. "There's no one around now, will you tell me what you've been thinking so hard about?"

She blew out a breath and closed her book around. Unable to sit still, she got up and began to roam aimlessly around the room. Harry watched her pace from the couch.

"What if I don't want to tell you?" She asked all of the sudden.

"Then you don't have to," he answered. "Although I would really like to know."

She sighed. "One think that I thought about is why I have such a hard time producing a patronus. Though I think I found my answer to that one."

"Well what is it?" He asked, intrigued.

"I think too much obviously. I mean, I could never think of a happy memory without connecting it to a bad one. My brain runs in overdrive and I don't know how to stop it."

He got up off the couch and walked over to the window sill. He too, seemed unable to sit still. "I have that problem all the time Hermione."

"Really? But you seem so...okay with everything. You never really had a problem a patronus."

He shrugged. "You said that was one thing you thought about. What was some of the other stuff?"

"Okay you're going to think that I'm really stupid for saying this," she began.

"Hermione," he interrupted, "I will never think of you as stupid. It is unimaginable."

"Okay, you'll think me foolish for saying this," she restated. "I just well, I'm afraid that after we get out of here," she gestured to the place around her, " that you and Ron won't have any use for me anymore."

He walked over to her, outrage written all over his face. "You're right I do think that you are being foolish! You could you ever, ever, think that Hermione?" He gave an exasperated sigh. "After everything that you've done for me, do you really think that I would be so stupid as to let you go?" He reached forward and grabbed her hand. "Hermione you can't even begin to understand what you mean to me."

That was the last thing that she expected to hear from him. "Thank you."

Hewas silent for a moment and then looked away from her. She laughed. "So are you going to tell me what's on in _your _head Harry?"

When he turned his head back to her, she saw something in his eyes that she's never seen in them before. "Hermione...will you move in with me? I mean, ya know, after we get out of school and everything?"

She was silent for a moment. _Find a nice way to say no! Do you have any idea what it would be like to be in _love_ with your roommate?! _However it wasn't a no that escaped her lips. "Yes Harry, that's sounds nice."

His face quickly softened. "Great," he smiled that smile and she just couldn't help her actions.

"Harry," she whispered his name.

"Yeah?"

"There was another thing that's been on my mind more than anything else."

"Yeah," he smiled, "and what's that?"

"Oh like you don't already know."

And then she kissed him. Without thinking about what would happen or what she would feel later, she kissed him. She kissed him with everything that she had, because if then went badly, this was going to be the only time she got to feel his lips on hers and by god, she was going to make it count. Just when she was about to pull away from him, he kissed her back.

Hermione's hands snaked around his neck and Harry's wrapped around her waist. He pushed her backwards until her legs bumped against the leg of the couch. With another push she fell backwards onto it, he followed right behind her. He touched his forehead against hers and fought for air. He laughed a truly joyous and carefree laugh. Hermione was sure that it was the first time he had ever made such a sound.

He leaned down towards her once again but instead of going for her lips, he went for her neck. He began to kiss all up and down from her collarbone to her ear. She laughed and titled her head to allow him more access. Harry surprised her when he bit down. She gasped but it wasn't out of pain. He laughed and the sound seemed to cling to her like a second skin.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," she said breathy.

"I am," he mumbled against her neck.

"I don't think that I've ever seen you this carefree before." He pulled away and looked her in the face. She groaned. "Well if I knew that you were going to do that I would have stopped talking."

He kissed her on the tip of her nose. "Don't you see it Hermione? It's you that makes me this happy. Why do you think that it didn't work with Ginny? Why do you think that it will never work with any other girl?" He leaned down and kissed her softly. "You think all the time, tell me the answer to these questions."

"Me," she whispered.

"Yes, because I love you. And don't go and think about all the doubts that you have Mione, just trust me in this. You are who I want."

"Harry, I love you too."

"Good because I would feel really bad about doing this if you didn't."

He touched his lips to mine once more, and for once I didn't think.


End file.
